I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL, AND THESE ARE ONLY METHODS THAT I HAVE USED. THESE ARE ONLY OPINIONS. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS OR ADVICE! THANK YOU!!
The Story:
As my daughter got older, and time for kindergarten got closer, I began preparing her for dealing with the kids at school. Kids can be cruel, so I made sure that she knew that she was beautiful, smart, etc. I warned her that maybe all the kids at school wouldn't be nice to her, and how to handle it.
One thing that I wasn't prepared for happened while I was at work. I got a phone call, and when I took the call, the woman identified herself as a guidance counselor at my daughter's school. My body shook, as I was worried at first that something had happened to her. But my blood ran cold when the woman on the other line continued. "I have Alex with me, and there was an incident at recess today." She continued to tell me that Alex got in a fist fight with another girl in her school. My blood boiled as I talked, and afterwards, I had to excuse myself from my work and step outside.
I didn't know how to react, or handle the situation. I knew that my daughter wasn't a perfect angel (she's 5, and all parents know how 5-year-olds can be), but I didn't expect such a big situation. So, with the punishment given at school- 3 days of recess detention, and her punishment at home- loss of t.v. for the next 2 days, and no use of the family computer or her handheld gaming device, I thought I had sent the message. We also had several very long discussions on why it was bad to act like that, and alternative ways to deal with her anger. The next day at school, she apologized to her teacher, and gave the other kid an apologetic card that she made. I thought she had learned her lesson.
Two days later, I got another phone call. I immediately recognized the phone number as the school, and was shocked when I answered and once again informed that my child started another fight. I immediately took every toy, toy box, doll house, and game out of her room and up to the attic. She also lost t.v. until she goes to school for an entire week without getting so much as a warning. She was in shock when she got home and discovered that her room was empty, aside from her bed and dresser.
I'm not sure what the next step will be if it happens again, but I'm hoping that this extreme punishment will teach her exactly how bad this behavior is.
The Lesson:
-Keep communications open. I have discussed this behavior with everyone that has an administrative role in her life. I have exchanged several emails with her teacher(also learning that she has been having other issues in class), and I have talked extensively with my mother and boyfriend, who care for her in the mornings and after school on days that I work. I am very pleased with the help that I am getting from the school, as well as her other caregivers.
-Don't be afraid to be extreme. The first time that she got violent at school, I had fiddled with the idea of the more extreme punishment, but decided against it. I regret that decision. Now I wonder that if I would have been more extreme the first time, that perhaps the second incident wouldn't have happened. The severity of violence is too high for a lenient punishment.
-Listen, listen, listen. Even if it is your child's fault that there was a fight, listen to their side of the story. And listen closely, because the simplest phrases can lead to finding the reason for the behavior.
-Talk. Discuss what circumstances they can face if it happens again- from you, from the school, and from their peers.
-Put them in the other children's shoes. Alex really responded to me asking her how she would feel if someone else did to her what she did to the other children. I made her realize that the other children were not only hurt physically, but they were hurt emotionally.
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